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I don't have a lot to say...which kind of fits what i am about to say actually.

I have a really hard time being quiet. 

Or just doing nothing. 

I love music. I love talking to people. I love experiencing new things. I love creating things. 

That's why it's really hard for me to practice rest.

I love doing and making so much that i rarely do nothing. 

I don't think that's healthy..

It really is just a sad thing when i can't relax on the couch on a lazy saturday afternoon. 

I have to always feel like i'm accomplishing something. 

Studying harder, loving someone more, creating more pretty things..

Like this: One time last semester we went on a "prayer retreat" and had to find a place somewhere in the woods and just hang out with God for 5 hours. I was excited about it

...but when hour 2 rolled around i thought i was going to come unglued. 

It was awful.

I am realizing that i don't do well with Sabbath. 

However i've been trying this new thing where after i take a run i find a place where i can be still with God. That way ill be too tired to do anything else.. seems like a foolproof plan  :)

This whole silence thing has not been what i expected. 

It seems like everyone has these big revelations when they do this, but not me. 

In fact, it seems like God is more silent when i am silent. 

But i think that's ok. 

I think part of the reason God just wants us to rest is because it helps us get our mind off of everything- worries, to-do lists, goals. 

For me, it helps me especially get my mind off myself- how i look, act, dress. 

I think God is silent for me because He knows I give myself enough noise.

I think He wants me to be ok with stillness. 

With accomplishing nothing.

With impressing nobody. 

With being me...with Him.