Puzzle

Wow. It is almost the end of 2008. I couldn't wait for this year to come. I couldn't wait for all of the new changes... my senior year, graduation, college possibly, turning 18. It has been a crazy year and i loved every second of it. 2009 i'm not too sure about. I've been desperately but futiley trying to figure out what i want to do with my life. And not just that but what i even enjoy or am good at. It's a bit frustrating. 

 

Sometimes i feel like i'm playing that game where you get blindfolded and have to hold on to the person in front of you and let them lead the way. Im worried that i'll trip and fall along the way to wherever i'm going. Im worried that the way to my destination is going to hurt. 

 

Sometimes i feel like i'm playing the same game but i cant hold on to the person and i have to just listen to their voice. That's a whole new level of worry. What if i hear the wrong thing? What am i about to run into?

 

The scariest times are when i feel like im playing that game but it's the part at the end where the other person is standing across a long distance from me and they tell me to just run as fast as i can straight toward their voice. Running blindfolded is a terrifying thing. Not only am i worried about running the wrong way or tripping over something but im worried because im worried... Do i really trust the person who's telling me to run? 

 

To me it's like this mysterious thing called "God's will" is hit or miss and only the really good Christians know how to get there or know how keep their balance along the way at least. 

 

But then i think where are we actually going? What am i trying to get to? Once im "there" (wherever that is) my mind will already by headed to the next place won't it? If i "arrive" will i notice it? Will i appreciate it? 

 

Maybe life isn't a path. At least if it is, i think it's better for me not to think of it as one. Jeremy helped me think of it as a puzzle. You can't solve a puzzle the wrong way because all of it fits together eventually. I don't even have to understand what it is supposed to look like. All i have to do is find something that looks like the piece in my hand. Pretty simple. 

 

Maybe "it's not figuring out the puzzle out but knowing that it all fits."

 

This next year is full of these: ???, and i am going to try to not let that get to me for a change. So what if i try to put something together that doesn't fit? I'll pick up another piece and try again. I'm in no hurry to get the puzzle finished because the adventure and joy is in putting it together.