Trinkets

I always end up writing something right at the moment Im about to turn my alarm clock on, switch my fan on, and try to fall asleep. Something hits me and I just sit there staring at my computer debating with myself whether I should turn it back on, which takes a ridiculous 10 minutes, or tell myself that what Im thinking really isn’t that worthy of words and roll over in my bed to get a decent amount of sleep. I always end up staying up at least an hour an a half longer if I decide the former. 

Tonight is one of those nights when the right side of my brain won out and Im attempting to scribble out whatever it was that I thought was so profound all the while trying to keep my bleary eyes open. 

Here it goes…

I think I am finally understanding who Jesus is. 

I always loved the idea of Him while growing up. He sounded very nice and everyone told me He did a very thoughtful thing for me. (dying, of course). 

I also believed that there was a huge God above the sky responsible for all this beautiful creation and I also thought He was very nice for creating flowers for us. 

When I decided to identify myself with this group of people who follow God’s teachings in the Bible and live with integrity and love I realized God was even better than I thought. He gave me a community who knew what love really was and showed me how serving made me much happier than shopping and kissing ever could. 

Then I God gave me something else… this crazy thing called the Holy Spirit. It was like God crawled inside me and sucked out all of the hopelessness from my heart and filled me up with peace. It was incredible and it still is. 

God did all this stuff for me and I can’t even understand most of it, but now I feel like Im finally coming face to face with Him. 

It’s like I’m one of those Compassion International kids in Kenya who gets a card and some trinkets from a wealthy and kind-hearted American once a month. I even get a little teary eyed when I think about all that I’ve been given. I don’t even deserve it. 

But… 

I have never met this rich and generous American… until now. 

I don’t know how or why I feel like I’m finally coming face to face with Him but I am. Honestly I was a little intimidated to finally meet him. I have a lot of expectations about Him and I’m nervous that I wont exactly know what to say. I mean, He already knows what Im thinking, but that just makes it even more intimidating. 

I see Him from across the room and He’s coming nearer. He has such a kind smile on His face but Im seriously starting to sweat. When He finally comes close enough to touch He takes me by the hand and pulls me into a bear hug and I feel like I’ve known him all my life. 

In a metaphor, that’s what it’s been like recently. 

I’ve been reading the gospels lately and I have been floored by His personality. He is the friendliest guy ever and he’s smart too. He always knows exactly what to say in every situation and He knows how to make me laugh. He can boost my self-confidence just by one small smile and He teaches me how to be a better person without ever making me feel dumb or incompetent. I think that He would invite me over to dinner and want me to tell Him all about my life- even though He knows it all already. He would ask just to listen to his child and his friend talk and He would hear every word said. 

I still find Him intimidating sometimes, and honestly I still find it awkward to pray. It’s a weird balance of striking up a good conversation with a new friend and still keeping a level of reverence. Im not sure if I should talk about my day first or thank Him for the sunset. But I think it’s going to just get easier and easier. He has a way of breaking my guard down. 

So I hope that this was as profound as I thought it was in the morning… or at least worth it to have stayed up an hour later. The point: I’ve made a really cool new friend and I hope I can be just as good of a friend as He is to me. 

Yeh, this is definitely going to sound cheesy in the morning.