I don't have a lot to say...which kind of fits what i am about to say actually.
I have a really hard time being quiet.
Or just doing nothing.
I love music. I love talking to people. I love experiencing new things. I love creating things.
That's why it's really hard for me to practice rest.
I love doing and making so much that i rarely do nothing.
I don't think that's healthy..
It really is just a sad thing when i can't relax on the couch on a lazy saturday afternoon.
I have to always feel like i'm accomplishing something.
Studying harder, loving someone more, creating more pretty things..
Like this: One time last semester we went on a "prayer retreat" and had to find a place somewhere in the woods and just hang out with God for 5 hours. I was excited about it
...but when hour 2 rolled around i thought i was going to come unglued.
It was awful.
I am realizing that i don't do well with Sabbath.
However i've been trying this new thing where after i take a run i find a place where i can be still with God. That way ill be too tired to do anything else.. seems like a foolproof plan :)
This whole silence thing has not been what i expected.
It seems like everyone has these big revelations when they do this, but not me.
In fact, it seems like God is more silent when i am silent.
But i think that's ok.
I think part of the reason God just wants us to rest is because it helps us get our mind off of everything- worries, to-do lists, goals.
For me, it helps me especially get my mind off myself- how i look, act, dress.
I think God is silent for me because He knows I give myself enough noise.
I think He wants me to be ok with stillness.
With accomplishing nothing.
With impressing nobody.
With being me...with Him.
