A burden

This is something I've been thinking about for a while, but I haven't been able to fully put my finger on it. Tonight it became a lot clearer after I watched a great movie called Freedom Writers. Near the end of the movie the main character Mrs. G is experiencing the crisis of her husband leaving her while at the same time discovering a passion buried deep inside her to change the lives of the inner city kids through her english class. She is in the middle tragic loss and incredible and inspiring gain. Her dad tries to comfort her as she's crying and he says, "You have been blessed with a burden. Not many people can say that."

Right when I heard that line it all lined up for me (pun fully intended).

I feel like my whole life I have been fed up with my life. It's not that I don't like my life or that I'm not grateful. I am so thankful for everything because it has been a gift and it's all made me who I am. It's just that I feel like I've been given too much. A year or two ago I would have wrote a blog about this that said some things like, "Why is it that Americans have so much and don't care about the poor?" and "We are so selfish in this God forsaken country" and blah and blah. I would have probably used exclamation marks to mark my frustration as well. People have made a lot of money writing books that say all of those same kinds of things. It gets people fired up I think.
But you know what? After reading those kinds of books and talking in my "Christian groups" like that you know what makes me feel like?-- a cynical know it all. Sure it fires me up, but at the end of the day I feel terrible and ignorant and I probably haven't done anything to fix the problem.
Im sick of feeling bad that I have so much and then tearing myself down for it. That's not healthy and it doesn't get anything done.


What struck me about what Mrs. G's dad said was that he was pointing out how she had been all wrapped up in her students lives. She woke up everyday thinking about them and worked all day to help them become better people. She wore expensive pearls that her dad gave her everyday to class, and she still changed those kids lives dramatically. She could never relate to the kids in her class that lost their parents and friends to gang violence. She had probably never gone a day in her life without a good meal, and she had certainly never been looked down upon for the color of her skin. Plainly, she was definitely more blessed with material things than her students and that did not hold her back.

I have spent so much time and energy worrying that the stuff I've been given is going to hinder my dreams of helping people. I want my life to so wrapped up in a purpose my wealth is forgotten unless God tells me He needs it in the plan. If God can use the poorest of poor then certainly He can use me.
I just have to be confident that I can do it.

I probably have way more to learn about this before I can nail all of it down, but looking forward to seeing what comes out of this new perspective and I'm going to be keeping my heart open for a burden.

blogging is absurd

I'm starting to hate this blogging thing. I mean really now... why did I think that what I wrote would be seen by millions of adoring viewers who commented regularly and always with praise? AND thinking this, how did I muster up the courage to put my mind in digital characters for all of those potential readers to read? Who does this?

I hope that because I have no regular readers that I can actually do this thing without being paranoid that's it's not entertaining enough. I'm pretty sure I like to write. I wouldn't be taking random journalism classes if I didn't right? And I think I must be decent at it to get A's. It would seem that I would enjoy blogging with or without lots of readers...

hm.

Well I guess I don't have a new years resolution yet and this seems kind of doable. I'm going to do this thing. I am going to blog and do it well. I'm going to pretend there are no people out there and pretend this is my paper journal. I'm going to try to keep in mind that this is for me.. to make me a better writer and thinker.. not fame or whatever.

here goes something..

The Beauty of Lattes and Colors

  

Sitting on the sunny porch of the Big A coffee shop, I feel a chill in the breeze. I look around me and see bright oranges and yellows and deep reds instead of the usual spring greens. The world around me is slowly approaching the death of winter, but in the process, is becoming more brilliant than ever.

There’s something deeply beautiful about that.

In this short transition season, we enjoy the vivid colors of the trees, cool weather, and warm pumpkin pie lattes and we don’t even think about the death in all of it.

I think that’s what makes this season my favorite. It’s not the apple cider and butternut squash—it’s the hopeful paradox of beauty and death.

The flowers and trees know that the death of winter is coming, but instead of solemnly creeping along in their existence until then, they burst into vivid glory and live their last days in brilliance.

In these last days of nature, I am surrounded by the call to live vibrantly through the times in my life that feel like they’re approaching a sort of death. My walks to class remind me that God makes my life colorful and breathtaking even when all I can see is lifelessness and all I can feel is coldness.

Through this season, I’m learning that these darker times in my life are the perfectly crafted moments where He chooses to make my life colorful and comforting—if only I decide to notice it.

This fall may you see all of God’s brilliant colors around you.

Okay again

What is it about Scripture that makes everything seem okay again?




It's like when you're a kid and some bully at school says something really terrible about you and you go home and there's warm chocolate chip cookies on the table.


Or when you're the bully at school all of a sudden and you say some really terrible things about somebody. You come home and you're mom says it's not the end of the world but that redemption needs to happen. It's encouragement with a kick in the butt.


Or it's like when you get to college and you don't know who you are and you think some really terrible things about yourself and you come home and are reminded that what you're good at doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does.




Lately Scripture is all of this for me. I wish i could say that it always has this affect, but honestly, i don't run to it as much as i need to. I have this new desire to read the raw Word and it's like coming home. 

Rockclimbing wall!

I refuse to get sentimental...

This is my last week and i plan on just rollin into the RA thing at TFC without one single stupid little tear. That's why i'm procrastinating on writing the Koreans the letter im going to give them along witht the picture album and shell cross i made. Im also trying not to take too many pictures. Once i start i feel like if i dont get a picture of everything it's the end of the world. Silly. 

So this is going to be a 'in the moment' post and not a 'this has been a wonderful summer..sniff..tear..' post, k?

Tomorrow my groupies and i are going to build a rock climbing wall! How fantastic is that? We finished the monkey bars and ladder for the fort today and we almost have the rest of the fort finished. We also have one of the two swing sets almost completely built. Don't worry, I will get pictures. 

I will head straight to Toccoa on Sunday from MB... tell me about it.

Love!

boiled peanuts and choco-toffee coffee

Sitting at the Chesterfield again waiting on my last group of campers.. yeh I said that last time, but remember my last post? I get one more group and we are going to build a surprise playground for the Koreans!!! Im still trying to figure out how to split up the projects for my campers, but im sure when I meet them all ill know where they fit. We finished up worksites this past weekend and Matt helped me practice my “skilsaw skills”. (I liked that too.) We finished roofing a house, scraping tar and repainting a house, and doing some little painting and railing at the Waccamma boy’s home. It was hard work, but I love getting a little painty and dirty.

Something I don’t love as much: getting into accidents. Yes. This morning Emily, Noah, Gus, and I had the grand idea of doing our laundry at the mat before church. It was raining and S. Kings Ave. was flooding. There’s too much detail to be interesting, but basically I got into a fender bender and the side of my car isn’t too pretty. That’s the facts. Talking about it too much makes me a little queasy.

Some fun facts: Jack just gave me boiled peanuts and I made some chocolate toffee coffee. I also finished my book “So long insecurity” by Beth Moore. I always feel a little embarrassed telling people that I’m reading that and it makes me feel a tad better just to say that. So now that it’s out I going to tell you that you should read it. No, it wasn’t a self-help book. (as if you’re arguing with me) It was just wonderful and friendly written. I love how she writes like she talks. It’s like one side of a conversation. I highly recommend it whether you struggle with insecurity or not (I think everyone does a little), but it’s definitely a girl’s read.

So that leads me to another paragraph: Does anyone have any book suggestions? I know you guys read because you’re reading this (clever!) I would love novel suggestions (in the unique sense and in the type of book sense). 

Letteth me knoweth!

All of you are wonderful human beings.

Love.

Playground!

Here is news!!! :

1. I get to stay for the full week next week.

2. I get a group for next week at... The Korean Church!

3. I get to build a SURPRISE PLAYGROUND!!!



Can you tell im a little excited??



I have worked all summer at the Korean United Methodist church building and beautifying their first sanctuary of their own. It has been a beast of a project but it has been amazing to work there. The Korean people seem a little timid so it took about 4 weeks to really get to know them. They have opened up so much and Mrs. Hye even said she considers me Korean if I would just duck down a little to be as short as her.... they are hilarious! Rarely do staff stay at one site all summer, but new projects kept coming up. We completely transformed the pastor's office and built him some awesome bookcases. We also got to build more of those awesome bookcases for a mini library where they can hold Korean Intensive courses for the community which teach people how to read and write Korean. The rotten wood on the outside of the church is replaced and repainted and the jungle of ivy and weeks is tamed.
It looks like a real church home and they are so so so excited!

Joe, my director, knows how much i have fallen in love with these people and has been helping me figure out one last surprise project for them. At first it started out as a couple of swingsets but now it has become an all-out playground. I am building two swingsets, a fort/platform with a ladder, connecting monkey bars, and hopefully a slide. I have never done anything like this, not even a deck, so i have been thinking and drawing and shopping all day. I have a team of 12, but im not sure if they are in jr or sr high. If you think about me next week say a mini prayer for me because i will need it.


Love!

If I sent you a postcard and you havent sent me one back...shame on you.